What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 06:43
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But it wasn’t much.
Have you ever had your crush reject you, and then later you all dated and married?
I write beautiful poetry .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
It was going to be , some day.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She loved him until the end.
I waited trembling.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
What is every dictators biggest fear?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
How do teachers justify punishing a student for fighting back against their bullies?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But, we were locked up after school.
Why do ugly men flirt with girls that are really hot?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
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I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
(And it was in our own minds.)
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
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I was 9 years of age.
I have no regrets .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
How do I rat my boss out for serial cheating on his wife?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
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You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I could never make a relationship work though!
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Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She was in good health!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We all went to grammer schools
Why did i forgive my father ?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I was scared of men, in general
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
What did i know ?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I never cut or harmed myself..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My life is so biszare .
I will be 64.
When she asked me how she looked .
He resisted the act ,that day.
We were not on the streets..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
So whats the point in blame.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I was seconnd youngest,
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Who then, do I blame.?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Comes on , in middle age.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She found it foreign!.
She wouldn,t have been !
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I think the readers, may guess!
She married twice! .
One cannot live in the past .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I don,t even have a pension.
I was very sick at this time too.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My family never makes their pension either.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I couldn’t, believe it.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Im still living with it.
Put me off passion for life!!
Was to survive, this bastard.
This is soul school!.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And i lived it daily.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He knew the spot.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Ive learnt so much.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I said to her
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
So, i spoilt her more .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Would this be the day?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Especially a lifetime of it.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
All the time i was locked up.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .